And Then I Exploded

 

And Then I Exploded

(Response to a writing prompt. You look at the prompt, whatever it is, and take it from there. No idea what I'm going to write until I start.)

 

And then I exploded, because the addition of a pair of ferrets to the five dogs and eighteen cats living in my brother Phil’s two-bedroom bungalow had passed the edge of eccentricity and was fast approaching the bona fide insane.

When I’d moved in with my widowed brother the previous year, our household consisted of two long-in-the-tooth humans, three assorted mutts – Ebenezer, a gentle Lab mix, the hyperactive beagle Claudia, and Susie, a moody miniature poodle – plus four cats, Christopher, Alphonso, Mimi, and James.

“You’ll have your own room. Private. No animals allowed,” Phil promised me.

Which worked for a time. Phil took in more cats, ceding them his bedroom and sleeping on the living room couch as the three pooches snored at his feet. He prided himself on keeping the bungalow immaculate, so cleanliness was never a problem. But when he added those repulsive, darting ferrets, Timmy and Moe, to our household, I reached my limit. I truly believe that if Phil ever found an orangutang in need, he’d invite the beast to move right in.

The night the devious ferret duo snuck into my bed, I thought my heart might stop and that would be the end of it. After recovering my breath, I stormed into the living room, careful not to trip on the assorted canines, and bellowed into my sleeping brother’s ear, “I’m moving out, Phil. I can’t take this anymore.”

“But … but … but ...” Phil sputtered.

“Make your choice,” I snarled. “It’s me or them.”

Ebenezer emitted a low moan, while Claudia leapt onto the daybed.

“They need me,” Phil protested.

“And I don’t. I’m taking Claudia. Come on girl, we’re out of here.” The little beagle nipping at my heels, I slammed out of the house. A satisfying, dramatic exit, though of course I had to return to pick up my things.

Six months down the road, the ferret siblings had been relocated to Frank’s Ferret Haven on the other side of the state. Claudia and I moved into the two-bedroom cottage Phil built for us across from his. Claudia gave birth to an unexpected litter that I couldn’t bear to give away. Soon enough, three stray cats joined our household.

No orangutangs, so far.